Ok graduating seniors, listen up: you might want to pay attention to this tragic tale I am about to regale you with, regarding my “final” semester of college that was to have taken place last May. The Great Graduation Catastrophe of 2012, is it’s name; which actually is not a suitable name, considering the fact that NOT graduating was the real tragedy of my tale. Anyway, for those who have not caught up with me since you saw me in my glorious cap and gown last May, or still see my glorious graduation pics on facebook ( which I have indignantly refused to take down), do not be fooled: I did not actually graduate. “Oh, she meant to walk early and finish her obscure, upperdivision major elective units in the Fall”, some of you might be guessing. “She wanted to walk early to seem cooler than her friends, or probably had a really, really good job lined up which required her to leave San Diego before the December ceremony date.” I desperately wish that I could say either of those things were true, but I won’t try and save face on this one. What really happened is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy, much less my friends who are probably the only people reading this blog. What happened is that applying for graduation and being approved, included in the pamphlets, given a cap and gown, receiving top honors, and having my name called out in the actual ceremony, is NOT an indication of actual eligibility to graduate, or a valid graduation. In fact, all of these events that seemingly implicate a valid graduation can take place without your legitimate meeting of graduation criteria. This reality check was one cruelly served to me three weeks after my graduation ceremony, from my previously elusive “graduation adviser”, who poked her head out of the ground (or her ass) just long enough to deliver the good news before she dropped back down to that very, very hot place she ascended from, known as Hell. Yes, that’s right. The peach had the decency to send me an impersonal email with the subject heading ” GRADUATION CANCELLED”, followed by a detached, formal email relaying the message that I had not completed such and such units, and hence my graduation status was cancelled. For those of you who think ” The Hulk” is a massive, green monster in the pages of a comic book, you are wrong. She is actually the metamorphosis of a girl who is told her four collegiate years of hard work and recognition are for nothing, and the finish line has, in fact, been pushed ten miles ( and three grand) farther from her reach. Needless to say, I had quite an intemperate reaction to this news. After storming onto campus and being informed by the sleepy office secretaries that I could not be in touch with anybody useful until the offices were again re-opened the following week, I became bitterly aware that my “graduation adviser’s” incompetence was met and matched by the entire rest of the SDSU administration’s apathy. Nobody lifted a thumb, or so much as hinted at a shred of remorse or responsibility for my cause. It was my responsibility to correctly read my degree evaluation, and if I had concerns about meeting the expectations I should have sought out my graduation adviser sooner. Really, SDSU? Do you HONESTLY think that if I had the slightest suspicion my graduation eligibilty was in question, that I would be so negligent as to not seek help from my adviser? Before I dissolve into a lengthy, volatile rant about this, I will suffice to say that GETTING APPROVED TO GRADUATE DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE ELIGIBLE OR WILL RECEIVE YOUR DIPLOMA. Furthermore, NOBODY WILL SAY ANYTHING TO THE CONTRARY UNLESS YOU GO SEE YOUR ADVISER. So friends, I impart to all of you who are who eagerly preparing to apply for graduation this Fall my horrid tale so that you do not make the same mistake I did. MAKE DAMN SURE that you are good to go before you put on that hideous gown and infuriating, floppy hat. Go talk to an adviser even if you are 99% positive you’re on the right track. Or else, you could become the pitiable girl with the fake graduation pictures on facebook, whose distant relatives probably still think she is graduated because she’s too ashamed to deflect their congratulatory praise and money at family reunions. Just kidding about that part, but seriously: heed my warning kiddos. With that said, at least i’m not in the real world yet, Suckas!