Cursed With a Conscience

marvels and musings of a normal girl in a wacky world.

quarter life opportunity

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So lately I’ve been (partly) joking to my friends and family that I’m going through a “quarter life crisis”. You know, the kind where you go out and impulsively buy a ferarri, or sell all your things and move to South America. Since no state of crisis or desperation could ever produce me a ferarri, and the going rate for my dilapidated ikea furniture and banged up honda civic is still insufficient to afford a cheap plane ticket south, my version of quarter-life mind loss was purchasing a ticket to Europe to travel alone for 3 weeks this spring. The deed is done!:) I leave in mid-may and couldn’t be more excited!! It was while discussing my upcoming trip to a good friend that I had a sudden realization. We had begun the chat discussing my post-graduation anxiety: my uncertainty about what the next year of my life will bring, where it might take me, which career path it might thrust me down- or will I even get a job? I was telling him that I feel overwhelmed with options, indecisive about which path to take and how to take the first step. He then uttered the shocking statement that sparked my epiphany: my successful, full-time employed, very well-off friend said that he was jealous of ME. Come again?  He elaborated by reminding me that I was young and capable, unfettered by obligation, kids, ferarri car payments, etc. It hit me then, In the midst of my “quarter life crisis”, that i’m living in San Diego, freshly graduated, paying my bills, having a blast with friends, and looking forward to a trip to Europe in just a few months. I have free time for the first time in my life, and the shackles of daily obligations (other than part-time work) have been temporarily lifted. I’M FREE! Yes, it is daunting to embark upon a new chapter, it is scary to know that my fate rests in my own hands and i’m responsible for my own success. But the choice is mine- and that is what makes this period of time so wonderful. Meanwhile, more successful and professionally-established others are confined to whatever job they have, a slave to their hectic schedules, and unable to spontaneously pry themselves from the rat race to do things for themselves. I’m thrilled to say that i’m not in that position yet- I honestly don’t think i’m ready. I need to be young, blow off steam, be a bit reckless, and fill these next few years with experiences that I can cherish for a lifetime, that I can look back upon with satisfaction and blissful nostalgia. I want to be 40 and know that I optimized my opportunities when I was young and wrung every ounce of vitality from these fruitful years lying ahead. So my conclusion is that perhaps the “crisis” state I find myself in today is not such a travesty afterall- perhaps it’s a window of opportunity. A time where I can drift upon the tides and see where I end up- If I don’t like where that is, I change my route. I can’t say that i’m not still anxious about what the future holds- hell yeah I am. But I can say this: I look forward to seizing new experiences in the coming months, and making memories I can jot into these blogs and read years from now with extreme fondness and gratitude. Hopefully I will be sitting in a plush study with a fancy leather massage chair drinking fine scotch with my doting husband and adorable children  waiting for me in the next room when this reminiscing takes place- which would mean that I emerged from my crisis/opportunity stage with a career and husband. But, who knows? That’s a worry for tomorrow. Today, I turn my travesty to triumph and plunge into the gray area head first. The quarter life is a prime time for opportunity:)

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